


climb you like a tree on fire

by whiplash



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: But Not Too Seriously, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, M/M, Multi, Sex Pollen, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 06:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6067897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiplash/pseuds/whiplash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where they get all get infected by a sex virus from the future and the author really wishes that there was a kink meme prompt out there to justify her writing this kind of trash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	climb you like a tree on fire

**Author's Note:**

> Dub-con. Because, well, it’s all part of the trope, right?

“It’s not going away,” Mick growls while staring down in betrayal at his own lap. His trousers were tenting and his dick rubbed painfully against the zipper. But, hey, at least that finally explained why grown men wore underwear. And here he’d always just figured it was because they were all too dumb to figure out that going without meant less laundry.

“I rubbed one out in the kitchen,” he continues, because if there’s one thing he learned during their long partnership it’s that for Len to help him with stuff it’s important that he knows all the details. Also, Len’s not very fond of clean-up jobs so Mick needs him to know that he did _try_ to fix this mess himself _._ Glancing at his partner he finds Len staring at Mick’s lap, eyebrows knitted together and mouth pursed.

That’s a good look. Means he’s thinking hard. Which is just what they need right now.

“Why the kitchen?” Len eventually asks, his eyes still locked onto Mick’s lap.

“Sarah dragged Kendra into the bathroom,” Mick explains. “I would have gone to my bunk, but you were in the hallway with Jax and Ray. Tried the flight deck, but Stein was there already, talking dirty to Gideon.”

He rubs his palm against his hard-on as he speaks. The sensation’s not awful, he supposes, but also a lot like those wilted lettuce leaves that restaurants sometimes snuck under his burgers.  Mick could never be bothered to pick them out of his food when it happened, because, well, he was a lazy fuck and also people were always telling him that green stuff was good for him. But even so, he sure as hell would never get it into his head to order vegetables _on purpose_ either.

So, yeah. Sex and vegetables. Pretty much the same thing. Only he’d already rubbed one out. That usually took care of the problem, yet he was still sporting some serious wood. Seriously, just fuck his life. And fuck this shitty mission. Why couldn’t they just go back to robbing banks and breaking out of prison again? Sure, if Savage had his way the world would end in fire. But, c’mon, the world was gonna have to end some way, sooner or later. What was wrong with in flames?

Also, what kind of stupid future had sex viruses anyway?

“Chill,” Len orders. Someday Mick’ll figure out just how Len always knows when Mick’s riling himself up. For now he just exhales though, deep and long while counting to ten, just like the nice lady from the court-mandated prison therapy program had taught him. 

“Had no idea you were that flexible,” he says after a moment. Partly to distract himself, but also because Lisa’s always saying that Len needs to learn how to take a compliment. “I guess that yoga crap your sis has been dragging you to really paid off, huh?”

Len makes a strange noise. Like something between a snort and a cough. Mick makes a mental note to keep trying with the compliments – obviously Lisa had a point or the guy wouldn’t start choking on his own tongue when faced with one – then gets distracted as his dick bobs up against his zipper. Again. For fuck’s sake. If that keeps happening he’s just gonna unzip and let his junk dangle. Although maybe if he…

“You think it’ll go away if I do it in the bedroom instead?” he asks, sticking his hand underneath the lining of his jeans. It’s a tight squeeze but if he cups his hand _just so_ it keeps his dick from harm’s way. Len makes a low, indecipherable sound. It could mean yes, no or anything in between the two. It’s pretty pitiful. In the future he should just leave guttural noises to Mick and focus on those zappy one-liners of his instead.

“Unfortunately not,” Stein says, his head peaking around the corner. He looks unhappy. Maybe things didn’t work out so well between him and Gideon. “Turns out that Captain Hunter didn’t quite tell us the whole story. About the sex virus, I mean.”

“What a _shocker_ ,” Len mutters. Mick snorts in agreement.

“In his defense,” Stein says, “his generation has been inoculated since birth. That would, of course, limit his knowledge about the specifics surrounding this particular virus strain and its characteristics. During my conversation with Gideon it became clear however that we might have made some incorrect assumptions regarding the cure which Hunter recommended for us.”

“Well, we all know what they say about assumptions,” Len quips, causing Stein to sigh. The professor really doesn’t look happy. Mick feels for him. He doesn’t always get other people’s references either. Also, Len’s obsession with puns gets really old after a while.

“Stuff about asses,” he explains, letting the old man off the hook while also giving Len a stern look. Stein’s a good guy. Knows how to appreciate a good fire and has access to all kind of good drugs. Giving the professor a toothy smile to make up for Len’s rudeness, he then elaborates: “They say stuff about _asses_.”

“Thank you, Rory,” Stein says, somehow managing to not sound very grateful at all. “Anyway, Gideon has informed me that there needs to be a certain exchange of bodily fluids for the condition to pass. A quite, ehm, generous exchange of bodily fluids.”

Mick makes a face, tugging his hand away from his dick in order to hide his face in his hands instead. Because isn’t that just typical. _Bodily fluids_. Yeah, that combination of words was right up there with _arrest warrant_ and _cavity_ _search_. Oh, and also _crotch smell_. Making another face he pulls his hands away from the vicinity of his nose. Fuck’s sake. How did regular people handle shit like this happening to them?

“And just how did _that_ work out for you and the floating head?” Len asks. He sounds distracted, eyes still staring speculatively at Mick’s lap. Maybe he’s calculating something. Or making vital observations. Mick spreads his legs wider, hoping that it’ll give Len more information.

“I believe that’s none of your business,” Stein answers, flushing dark red.

“What happens on the Waverider, stays on the Waverider,” Len drawls, finally lifting his eyes from Mick’s crotch. There must be something weird going on with the lights, because his cheeks look pink. Also his mouth’s really red. Although, Mick reflects, on second thought _that's_ probably from all that… stuff Len had been doing with Jax and Ray in the hallway earlier.

“So..?” he asks, shifting in his seat. Which, _obviously_ , causes his dick to rub up against that damned zipper. He growls and reaches for his crotch again only for Len’s hand to shoot out and wrap around his wrist. 

“Easy, hot stuff,” he says, swollen lips twisting into a smirk. “I have a plan.”

“Does it involve bodily fluids?” Mick demands, even as he allows himself to be pulled to his feet. “Because you know how I feel about that, boss.”

“Bodily fluids are a must,” Stein intones with a grave voice, even though nobody asked him and Mick just did him a solid by explaining the ass thing. Mick spares a moment to glare at him before turning his eyes back to Len. Only instead of reassuring him that the professor’s dead wrong and there’s definitely and absolutely another way to make his boner go away, Len just makes a non-committal noise and tugs on Mick’s wrist again.

Oh fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> ...not sure what I want most, the threesome prequel where Len tries to keep up with the "youngsters" or the next part where he tries to keep things professional while he has hot but awkward sex with Mick.


End file.
